In this episode, you'll hear tools that you can use now to help you shift from feeling like a passive outsider to the author of your own story. Welcome to starting over in the USA, the Expat Woman's Guide to overcoming homesickness, embracing cultural differences, and creating a new home away from home. On this podcast, we talk about leaving behind the familiar, you know, the pangs of homesickness and culture shock to the journeys of reinventing yourself. I'm Yolanda Reshemah. And after relocating six times, I know firsthand what it's like to start from scratch, feeling like both a foreign child and a foreign adult in a new world. We are reframing some challenges that come with moving abroad. You'll learn four useful strategies. Tips to help you define your cultural identity before the world tries to to take action even before you feel ready to to understand why a micro support system that sees you is a great choice. And the last strategy to be ruthlessly resourceful. Today's episode is inspired by the incredible story of my friend Zainab, a Palestinian and African American woman who's a scientist, a mother, now a wife, and she's the person who rebuilt her life from scratch, her journey is a masterclass in resilience and I'm sharing five practical strategies that I've drawn from our chat to help you reclaim your power, even when the odds feel stacked against you. Let's dive in. The first strategy that I want to talk about is that of defining your own identity before the world tries to, I'm thinking back to Zainab and she grew up being too black for her Palestinian town, not black enough when she returned to the US she seemed to have lived in the in between, I would say, a place where some of us find ourselves, but here's what Zainab did. She stopped waiting for the world to validate her. She refused to live in that in between space as I describe it, and she chose to define herself. Zainab said in her own words, I identify as Palestinian African American. Maybe you've walked into a room and wondered, do I belong here? Maybe somebody's questioned your accent, your name, your hair, your choices to move. Here are three things for you to try, it's what I do with my daughter, and it works. Write your own identity statement. You know, something like I am. Fill in the blank and I belong. Et cetera, et cetera. It might feel very awkward at first, but just say it out loud and let it become truth. The context is simply that I have a young daughter and we're in the process of helping her understand who she is as a human being, first, we are helping her understand her value, her talents, her character, but also her dual cultures. I want her to know who she is as the Lord intended and who her people are, her ancestry, and that anchors her in her courage and gives her a bigger sense of belonging. It's far too scary to allow somebody else to define for her who she is. I couldn't bear that that person would be able to define where she belongs and ultimately impacts what she's capable of doing. Of achieving. That's a big no-no. Like, I remind myself, I'll remind her how incredible she's, and that is what Zainab did and what you are going to do. Practice introducing yourself with pride, your accent, your heritage, your complexity, all of it. If somebody asks where you're from, just tell them with joy. Don't apologize, verbally, in your body language or in the stories you tell yourself. Embrace your layers. You are not one dimensional but multifaceted. You are a mosaic of cultures and abilities and experiences and dreams and, and that's what makes you so fab. You know, Zainab told you how she realized that elite spaces in academia would benefit from her being there. That's an incredible mindset. That's what we are building. And I do have another personal context that drives my passion for sharing this with you. I tell my daughter, my darling, you are the shade of sunrise and sunset. You can wear many different colors like the wild flowers in nature. Don't hide. Like them, we are free to travel boldly and safely, to take up that space and live in it. Let the world adjust to you not the other way around. The second strategy is take action before you feel ready. That sounds a little bit crazy. I un I understand. But consider Zena's situation. She didn't wait to feel confident. She learned English, applied for jobs enrolled in programs without knowing how it was gonna all work together. She moved before she had clarity, and that's the secret. Clarity often follows actions. Now this is a big lesson for me. Because doing this podcast is completely outside of my comfort zone, for ages, I simply wanted to have all the skills and all the clarity before putting myself out there. In other words, I wanted it to be perfect, but that's not how it works. You've got to start. You've got to make errors. And you've got to learn from it. Maybe you are staring at a job application thinking I'm not qualified or hesitating to join a local meetup group because your English isn't perfect. But here are three tips for you to put in action try applying for something this week that scares you. Apply for a grant, a job, or a course. Even if you don't get it, you are going to learn something in the process. Treat entry level roles as stepping stones, as launchpads and not careers. And let go of perfectionism. You don't need to be flawless to be worthy. You just need to be willing and listening to myself say this right now, I could cry honestly. Because I'm talking to myself. Do it, mess it up, learn from it, and move ahead. But so many of us here wanna get it right. But just start messy. Start scared. Just do it. We are both in the same boat. And my third, strategy is to build a micro support system that sees you, and here's the context. When I finally took the plunge to do this podcast, one fellow expat woman at my coworking office, Chris, is her name, was the person who helped me get over my fear, get my mindset right just start, edit your first episode, and post it. Send it out there instead of holding on and wanting it to be perfect. With her supporting me, seeing me, and encouraging me, I no longer felt lost. I no longer felt like I was doing it alone. I see that you don't need a massive network. You need one or two people who truly see you. And Zaina had a few friends and coworkers and one transformational mentor, and that was enough for her. So if you are the expat woman and you haven't made friends yet, maybe your family doesn't understand your choices, maybe you feel like you are doing it alone. If that's you, try this: identify one person you can lean on or learn from consistently. Could be a neighbor, could be a coworker. Try joining a local or virtual group for international women because there are so many communities out there, online and physical communities, they are waiting for people like you. And in fact, I'm actually going to create a connected community here, but give me a little time to get there. The other thing you can try doing is asking for help. That's not weakness. It's the smartest thing you can do, whether it's help for childcare, somebody to translate a document for you, or somebody to listen, just reach out to somebody. I also feel like it's a really good thing to have other people witnessing your growth. It's healing, it's transformational, and it also keeps you accountable. The fourth strategy i'm thinking of Zainab when I say this: be ruthlessly resourceful. She didn't grow up knowing how to become scientists. No one in her circle had walked that path. She asked questions sent bold emails and she figured it out. Maybe you are trying to break into a field where there's no one who looks like you, maybe you are Googling scholarships at midnight while you are kids are asleep. Perhaps you are the expat immigrant woman wondering if it's too late to start over. If that's you. Try this. Try making a list of free or funded opportunities. You know, like grants and fellowships, internships. Start with one and apply for it even if you think you won't get it. Just apply. Reach out to somebody in your dream field and ask, how did you get started? You would be surprised how many people are willing to share their story, and don't wait for permission. You don't need perfect conditions to begin. Be courageous enough to take up the space that you dream of. You can be the person who makes the blueprint. I think that's it for me today, if one of these strategies resonates with you, I would love to hear about it. Leave a comment or share this episode with another immigrant or expat woman who needs it. You are making your life story as you go along. Nobody defines it for you. You should never allow somebody else to determine who you are and what you can do. So until next time, keep listening.