I've created starting over mini moments, the sweetest bits from some favorite episodes for you to listen to while I'm on my summer break. So grab these tips, strategies, and mindset shifts to help you with your decision to relocate to the USA. Welcome to starting over in the USA, the Expat Woman's Guide to overcoming Homesickness, embracing cultural Differences, and creating a new home away from home. On this podcast, we talk about leaving behind the familiar, the pangs of homesickness and culture shock to the journeys of reinventing yourself. I'm Yolanda Reshemah. After relocating six times, I know firsthand what it's like to start from scratch feeling like both a foreign child and an adult in a new world. So this clip today is from episode 12 with guest Sophie. She leaves us with a powerful reminder that life abroad allows you to shape shift in terms of your career. It allows you to evolve, but it also allows you to come back home to your true self. And I think this one is for every single one of us expat and immigrant woman, figuring out how to belong, and realizing that we do actually need to reinvent ourselves. So I'm inviting you to come with me. Listen. Reflect and feel seen. I was so obsessed and distracted with moving our life from London to San Francisco, that I haven't actually planned what I'm going to do once I get here. I think it was at least a month in that I got the realization that this is not a vacation. This is my forever home, or at least the home for the next two to three years. If it didn't work, we could always come back and we still had the house. I found myself in a very different culture. I found that people weren't understanding. The people here? The people here didn't understand me very well. What do you mean? Just asking for very simple things like, could I have a bottle of water? So I had to rephrase the way that I spoke, the way that I greeted people. Coming from London back then we used to say, are you all right? Mm hmm. As a greeting and I noticed that Americans did not understand that way of being greeted. They're like, what do you mean? Of course, I'm all right. So I had to kind of rephrase and sort of figure out a way of kind of my own place in this, this very different culture. I decided, I'm going to try something new for work. I got chatting to small business owners just Asking what it's like to run a business in San Francisco. One of the owners, was interested in my background and she wanted someone to help run her business. I started to just learn how to greet people in America, which is very different. And I just found that I had to step into almost like a new identity. A lot of people have to put on a professional facade when it comes to customer services in America. And I had to kind of learn to step into that and a different way of talking and approaching people and, and learning the level of customer service that's expected in America. You're having to step into being very polite, very friendly, but not deeply so? Yeah, it was ingrained in me to have a, I obviously came from public relations, so I love meeting people. I'm a natural connector and community builder and I I'm very curious about meeting new people and asking questions and finding out more about them. Um, yeah, I think I've had to, over the years, shape shift a little bit into who Sophie is in America. When you go back to the UK, do you automatically fall back into your authentic self? Is authenticity the right word? Yeah, It takes a few days. Yeah, it takes a few days. I just, we just slipped back into where we just left off and it's comfortable and I can be myself and we can be a bit silly and, um, but yeah, I, it's, it's a, it's a challenging thing and i'm kind of coming to this realization that the The identity roles that we play, and they change over years, affect the community of people that we surround ourselves. And as a result, it changes our sense of belonging. The identity that you adopt impacts the people you're around, or the people you're around impact your identity, who you become. Ooh, that's a very good question. I would say two examples would be a year and a half into moving I became a mum. And when you become a mum, you step into a new identity. And then you're around other mums, you are kind of immersing yourself in this new identity. It's mummy and me kind of culture and you're going to all these play dates and then that shifted when I became a business owner and all of a sudden I was wearing a new hat, business owner hat. Do you think that ability is required in America, to survive, to thrive? That's a good question. I think it's probably the case anywhere that we live. I'm very thankful that we were given the opportunity to move to America it is the land of opportunity and the American dream that you can work and be whoever you want to be and do whatever you want to do. You're not restricted so much by the class system. We don't really have so much of a class system here living in America. I have opportunities to build a life that I want to have here, that I don't know if I would necessarily have in the UK. I think in the UK I would have stuck to a more Traditional career pathway. I know from looking on Instagram there is an entrepreneurial spirit also in London. So if I was to ever go back, I'm sure that there'll be spaces and communities that I could be part of, I could tap into that entrepreneurial spirit. I just don't think I I had access to it. Right back then. Yeah. Back then. So has life in the US turned out the way that it should? I can't say the way you had planned because there was no planning. Yeah, it's funny when I look back I think, What was I thinking? I had no plan at all. I remember sitting down with, I think it was the first meal on the second night of arriving in San Francisco and my friend's husband sort of turned to me and said, Okay, so what are you going to do now? What's the plan? And I was like, oh my god, I have no plan. I don't know. I, I just, I was spontaneous. Would you advise anyone to do it the way you did it? I Arrive and see how it goes. I would recommend researching. and planning it more than I did. What sort of things would you recommend researching? Well, now we have such access, such windows into people's lives and neighborhoods and, you know, the different communities within neighborhoods that You can just go on Instagram and find out what's going on, what's the vibe, what's happening in that neighborhood, where's people hanging out, where, where are the people that I want to spend time with hanging out and what are they doing, where are they going, what are they talking about. So there's more of an opportunity and there's tools that are, that we can use to forward plan and research more. A bit like taking a trip, you want, The first tool I use is Instagram to find out where I'm going to eat, where am I going to stay, where am I going to shop. Entertainment, you know. Crime rates, all the lovely stuff. No, truthfully, you want to check everything out. Yeah. But, so, do you feel American or do you still feel Brit? I don't feel American. And that's because I I have never felt more English living in America. I think, I didn't really notice or understand my identity as a British woman living in London and then you take the British woman out of London and you notice how the people around you react to your accent. They react to the phrases and the words that you use, and people treat you differently. So you've been leaning into that. I've been leaning into that, yeah. I'm a British woman raising two American kids that are both born here. And I don't think my accent has particularly changed. If anything, maybe it's got stronger. What is it about living here that you love? I love, first of all, the natural beauty. I love the weather in spring and fall. I'm not crazy about the height of summer. But thank God for AC. What's keeping you here? My husband has a great job, and let's be honest, if he was to move back to the UK, his salary would not be the same, the kids are very settled in school, and I'm looking forward to that opportunity of seeing the world, travelling more. and having that freedom to travel and live the life that you want to live is there anything you would change? I'm lucky that I don't have any regrets because Every failure teaches us how to succeed oh, yes. People who've made the move to a different country or are thinking about moving to a different country or thinking about moving back to their country of origin. They're all transitioning in some way of moving away from familiarity. It takes a lot of courage. You definitely need creativity. And it doesn't come with a little guidebook. There are guidebooks out there, but you have to figure it out for yourself. We have to make so many different decisions, figure out so much by ourselves. All we need to do is go back to some community or group of people that That has some kind of consistency from familiarity that we can actually say, I don't know how to figure this out. Have you gone through a similar situation? How did you it? Do you know someone who's done this, did they do it well? We learn a lot about ourselves through other people's stories. I think we get so bogged down with this I must belong, I must belong. And I've realized that a sense of safety around people that you can be yourself with, rather than being the person they want you to be, is much more important. Because leaving your culture and your people the first thing you Ask is, am I safe? am I okay? And then, can I belong here or do I belong here? And do I matter? Do I matter? That's right. Yes. Sophie, thank you so much. I feel like we can keep chatting for hours. Our teas are cold. The banana bread is still there. It's probably almost time to pick up the kids. Not quite yet. Well, we are all figuring it out, but no need to start from scratch if you don't have to. That's the beauty of community. if you love this episode, share the link with a friend and leave a positive review. All right, that's it for me. Have a nice day.