I've created starting over mini moments, the sweetest bits from some favorite episodes for you to listen to while I'm on my summer break. So grab these tips, strategies, and mindset shifts to help you with your decision to relocate to the USA. Welcome to starting over in the USA, the Expat Woman's Guide to overcoming Homesickness, embracing cultural Differences, and creating a new home away from home. On this podcast, we talk about leaving behind the familiar, the pangs of homesickness and culture shock to the journeys of reinventing yourself. I'm Yolanda Reshemah. After relocating six times, I know firsthand what it's like to start from scratch feeling like both a foreign child and an adult in a new world. Today's starting over mini break is taken from episode 13 with my guest, Dasha. Now this is what you're going to learn from her today. She's talking about the hidden challenges of building friendships in America and how you can overcome them, why holding onto parts of your culture is essential for belonging and good mental health, in this clip, she also talks about finding her place in a new country. So if you are considering relocating anywhere, especially to the USA, or you are already living as an expat, her lessons are going to feel strikingly familiar. So I'm inviting you to come with me. Listen. Reflect and feel seen. So you met a man. Yes. So he was born and raised in America? Yes we're talking like Midwestern boy, and he came to Russia for a missionary tour. And then when he was done, he went back home to start college. We courted for a little bit, then he went back and I was really torn, to be honest, like I don't do long distance relationships really well. I'm just suck at'em. Is it worth it to take this huge risk and go to America? Or do I just move on with my life? Mm-hmm. And I started praying and asking the Lord for guidance. I remember standing in the embassy for my Visa interview. It was a four hour line. And people just kept getting rejected, rejected, rejected, they interviewed me and she's like, oh, you're going to Bible college. And then she starts it with me on all these Bible questions. And I remember in shock, I'm walking back, but all these people, and they were like, what did you say to her? What did you say to her? I dunno. And that was it. You are moving to America. Yeah, because I prayed. I'm like, where if you want me there, I need a visa. If you don't want me there, I don't need a visa. I told my father I'm going there with an expectation of my heart being broken because I would rather know it's a no-go relationship and then have no regrets, come back to Russia and start my life. Then to keep wondering what if it worked out with this American guy? So now, one thing I love about him is that he is extremely honest and I think that's what sold me on him. And he told me on our first date, he said, I have no money. I have no education. I have no way of bringing you to America or taking care of you in America. So I don't know how this is gonna work. He didn't try to pull the wool over your eyes and say, I could make your life wonderful. Come over to America. I could tell he was a legit man of character. He had solid character and I trusted him completely. I knew that he was honest with me. I knew that he was hardworking. I knew that he was intelligent and humble. I knew he came from a faith-filled family, that his parents and his grandparents were Christians. I knew he was a Christian, so it wasn't really a gamble., Now, if it was any other dude. I may have not gone. So it wasn't the gamble. I knew I would be safe with him. If it didn't work out, that he would make sure that he would help me get back, he would take care of me. So I arrived in Lubbock, Texas, and Lubbock is completely flat like this table. Miles and miles. I remember getting off the plane and walking through the square door with of glass, and all I see is. Moonscape, like dead flatland. Nothing there. And a spaceship, and I didn't even know it, what it was, and I was thinking, gosh, where am I? Oh my gosh. I'm laughing because I can visualize it and I can imagine what's going through your mind at this point. How many years have you been in America now? 21. Has life in America panned out the way you expected or hoped, oh, interesting question. So I guess yes and no. I think one thing I love about America is that I can truly be myself here. Even more so than in Russia, I can say what I wanna say, I can wear what I want to wear. I feel liberated in many ways, living in America. At the same time, it has not been an easy journey because living in Texas, for example, was very hard because. I think there's a certain culture that is associated with a Christian woman living in the south. They have this famous thing, sugar and spice and everything nice. I only have spice. No sugar. A little, a little bit of sugar. A lot of spice. So, um, I didn't quite measure up on everything Nice. And so was ostracized. I had trouble making friends. They judged me and I think they saw me in a certain light, which was completely inaccurate. Oh, so that was difficult. So you struggled to make connections? Absolutely. And to establish a tribe, because that is what keeps us here to some degree, because it helps us to surround ourselves with people who can care for us because we don't have our families here. And for our mental health. Absolutely. And for our stability and for our sense of belonging, we need that. So if you don't mind me asking, what kept you here then, I've definitely learned a lot of things. In my first five years of living in that small town, and one of the most important things I've learned about myself are my limitations. There are just certain things I cannot do, and it's really healthy, I think, to know your limitations, like I cannot live in a small town. That's a no-go for me, they already have an established framework or relationship. You cannot break into that even if you lay your life down. I tried. It's not possible. When we moved to Dallas, which is a metroplex, you know, it's a bigger city. Mm-hmm. Yes. I was eventually able to find my tribe. But what I discovered is that relationships in America, especially with Americans, take a lot of intentionality. You have to pursue those relationships with energy and passion. Otherwise you won't have any. I feel like in many countries, I don't know about England, but in Russia, relationships emerge organically. They just happened. Not in America. In America, you have to schedule things. You have to arrange, because everybody's so schedule driven and everybody's schedules are so filled up. That you have to plan everything way ahead. You need to make sure you invite people, you need to make sure you cater the event to the way people are used to. Very funny example, uh, birthday parties for our kids and we would invite our American and Russian friends. Let's say birthday parties at 10. Americans show up at 9: 45, stay until 11 and leave..Noon is when the Russians show up and they never leave. You, you have to understand how the culture works and I, I think the general vibe in America is that, like we don't talk about it, especially in San Francisco, but it's true. We as Americans expect other people to acculturate. When it comes to international people, is a bit of a misnomer. You're either acculturate or you stay in your cultural community of origin. There's really not a whole lot of people that will across that gap for a year, if it makes sense. Yes, it does make sense. And so a lot of my friends here are Ukrainian Jews, JI or, or Bill of Russians, or Russians or whatever, right? So it's kinda like that, that sort of a unity that we share in the Soviet culture in its best expressions. Um, became evident in San Francisco and I love that. So have you retained some parts of your culture and is that really important for you Mm-hmm. There are definitely parts of Russian culture that I value very much. I love Russian language. I love Russian literature. Music. There's so many foods and little traditions that we have now. Unfortunately, I only was able to bring so much into my household because it was like a swimming upstream it was always a battle for me. You just talked about the music, you talked about the food, you talked about the history, you talk about the culture. Mm-hmm. That's what it really means to be Russian. This war isn't the whole, I really wrestled with that what can I do to make things better? Right? And like I can send money, I can support the refugees, and we do all those things, right? But what else can I do to make things better? So I'm actually looking forward to these kind of opportunities. I'm looking forward. Anytime I meet somebody, for example, Ukrainian, I say, I'm sorry. I know you're not asking me to apologize, but I wanna apologize. Mm. So much to think about. For the full story. Go to episode 13. if you love this episode, share the link with a friend and leave a positive review. That's it for me. Have a nice day.