Sometimes the only thing standing between you and your new life abroad is the story you are telling yourself. Those quiet whispers. What if I fail? What if I don't belong? What if it's the wrong time? In today's episode, we're naming those fears out loud and learning how to take back control. One brave decision at a time. Welcome to starting over in the USA, the Expat Woman's Guide to overcoming homesickness, embracing cultural differences, and creating a new home away from home. On this podcast, we talk about leaving behind familiar, you know, the pangs of homesickness and culture shock to the journeys of reinventing yourself. I'm Yolanda Reshemah. And after relocating six times, I know firsthand what it's like to start from scratch, feeling like both a foreign child and a foreign adult in a new world. A few episodes back, I had been talking about the high jumps we go through mentally, the stories we tell ourselves about moving abroad, especially to the the USA, and it takes a lot of thinking and planning. It takes a lot of energy, but it also requires a lot of resilience to overcome the the internal fears, the story we tell ourselves. How about you and I expect women explore two common fears and figure out how to get rid of those? Before the suitcase is packed, before the visa is stamped. We somehow give ourselves reasons why we shouldn't risk it. If you are still dreaming about moving abroad or whether you've already relocated and you're trying to make sense of your decision, this is for you. The reasons we tell ourselves we can't move abroad. Now, let's quickly revisit some of those reasons were. What if I can't handle all the adulting, you know, the new country, the new system? What if I mess it up because it's overwhelming? We talked about the fear of rejection. What if they don't like me? What if I don't fit in? What if, what if. We talked about security. Is it even safe to go right now? Clearly there are reasons why we should always consider those. I honestly can't remember which episode number it is, but I'm gonna invite you to go back, I think it's episode 18, and check those out for yourself. Let's talk about two common, big fears. What if I fail? But here's the truth. Every woman who's ever started over has asked herself the same thing. But I've discovered that the real shape actually happens when you ask, what if it does work out? Or even better, what if that failure turns into something more remarkable? Something more aligned with who you are becoming. I've learned that failure is often a doorway that leads to something that's unexpected. And if you are willing to be patient and to search for an alternative when all the other doors close on you, just to wait for that one door to open, that makes all the difference because that's the moment when things change for you if you decide to walk through the open door. I say that because I'm thinking of my guest from episode six and seven, and her name is Chris. When I interviewed her, she was in the middle of experiencing that transition and she could not see how it was possible for her to continue to do the job that she was doing back in Brazil, to work in English, not Portuguese, and to attain that same level of excellence and to rebuild her reputation. But that was over a year ago. And let me tell you, Chris today has reinvented herself. She is confident, she is assured, she has a purpose and she has a vision. She advises nonprofits and other clients, she's still a founder and she's still an entrepreneur. She just had the courage to dig really deep, to be hopeful, and to say yes to new opportunities. And that's why I say the failure isn't the end of the story. It wasn't the end of story for me, for Chris, and certainly not for Theo, not for any of my guests who share their story. The other thing is that I am encouraging you to be so very much aware of what it is that you need emotionally and physically. Know where you need to be. Do you need to be in contact with people? Does there need to be vibrancy? How are you going to support yourself financially? Don't just jump in the way I did. And expect everything to work out. I. Let's talk about the planning..There are two areas where we totally winged it. The first researching where to live. The second thing is being psychologically prepared..Figure out where you need to live based on what in your life is important to you that you want to keep. I didn't realize that lack of diversity was a thing. We fell down in figuring out a strategy of how we were going to build a community around us. Friendship doesn't just fall from the top of the tree and people aren't going to love you immediately. You have to orchestrate it, you have to build your own community. Focusing on the costs-- before and after you move, the physical as well as the emotional, for example, this is what my husband and I did to help us plan Financially we decided three to six months saving we created an international bank where, where we could transfer money easily. We also got a regular bank account here for paying bills and traveling and all the sort of stuff we wanted to do. We decided to learn how healthcare coverage works, and how much it's likely to cost us. Let's talk about financial fear, which often starts with something like, Hmm, can I afford this now this one is super real. It's about understanding how far your resources can go. It, it's about building a budget and finding support. That's how I truly see it, and it is possible to create a realistic plan. You need to ask questions and not be afraid to start small, but there are so many places where you can go online for advice because that is not something that I really deal with. It's not my expertise, you can find out what you should put aside for, eventualities that you are not aware of, but please go online and have a look. Now, to put this in context, my husband and I, when we moved here, he as a medic. Well, we needed to figure out his job first, right? I worked as a communication strategist, and you can kind of pick those jobs up more or less anywhere. But as a medic, we really needed to figure out when his license was going to turn. How much the healthcare was gonna be and all the other intricacies so. His job had to be anchored first. So we had to make a plan. You can absolutely trust your future to hold you if you have a plan, but that plan might change. You just need to have something on which to land. So how do you move past the fear? Here's your gentle challenge, and it's not rocket science. Thankfully, find somebody you can talk to, preferably somebody who has experienced the great and the rubbish of relocating, of moving abroad for a considerable length of time. They know what it's like to set up from the very beginning with a house, a job. Maybe having kids, but just having a life or a considerable length of time abroad. You are more than free to connect me. If it's something that I can't answer, I have a community of people who would be more than willing to provide some kind of perspective for you, or you can build your own community because that gives you courage and that courage grows. When you accompany people who understand what you you're going through, you are likely to get a perspective that is informed. The happy news and the not so happy news. If you are listening today, I want you to know that you are already so much braver than you think. If I could ever have the chance to leave a note to my past self, I would say spend less time worrying. You are not the only one in the boat. And that was my biggest challenge back then. I couldn't find anybody who was going through experiences that I was at that point in time. Well, that's it from me today. I am encouraging you to reach out if you have any questions and what is your fear about moving abroad? I have thoroughly enjoyed having your company sharing ideas with you is always a pleasure. I am going out for a nice stroll in the sunshine. Enjoy the rest of your day, whatever you are planning to do. Okay, bye-bye.