In this episode, we are unpacking why making friends in the USA can feel so difficult even when you are open, kind, and ready to connect and what you expat women can do to bridge that cultural gap and finally, find your people. Welcome to starting over in the USA, the Expat Woman's Guide to overcoming homesickness, embracing cultural differences, and creating a new home away from home. On this podcast, we talk about leaving behind the familiar, you know, the pangs of homesickness and culture shock to the journeys of reinventing yourself. I'm Yolanda Reshemah. And after relocating six times, I know firsthand what it's like to start from scratch, feeling like both a foreign child and a foreign adult in a new world. Today we are going deeper. We'll explore what's really behind the struggle, how American friendship, cultures, shape, connections, and. I'll share the strategies that worked for me, from volunteering, to building daily rituals that led to real friendships. It is not that Americans are unfriendly. It's that adult friendships here are built differently, often around shared activities or family ties. And once I understood that,. It changed how I approach meeting people. In the last Friday Hangout, we talked about some scientific findings, some research by various bodies that highlighted the vital importance of having meaningful connections, and I have to say. I didn't know a lot of that. Now before I explain the tips that worked for me, let's look at what makes, friendships in the USA so tricky. One of my fellow Americans, her name is Kristen, shared with me. She's not an expat. So it comes from somebody who knows American culture well. She said in the USA, it's difficult to make friends as an adult because there's a fear of strangers. That stranger danger and that makes people a bit reluctant to open themselves because they don't know what you are going to bring. There's an underlying fear. You may be a threat in some way. You are an a known entity, and if you don't sound the same or. Look very different. There is likely to be hesitation, a cautiousness. People often look for a reflection of themselves and not always physical. It could be economical, it could be shared interest in something that is very important to them. But she reminded me that in the US. Women often come with their partners or family. It's a given package, and I have seen this. When I, connect with somebody and they're married, they will often ask if I'm married, what's my husband into? What does he like to do? They'll tell me about their husband and suggest, oh, maybe we can go biking together. That's just an example. They look for what's common between us. If that's how the culture is, then expat women. We need to work from that as a starting point. I hadn't done that search before Now, here's what worked for me and might work for you. The first thing I did to meet people was volunteer my professional skills. That's not something you come across often, but it works. I volunteered with local nonprofit and I helped shape their missions and values and other messages. It kept my skillset alive, it gave me cerebral stimulation, a sense of purpose, and I met really lovely people through teamwork and meaningful conversations. The other thing that I did was to go back to school. I took a post grad class at uc, Berkeley. And there I connected with students from all walks of life, local and international people age in their twenties to their fifties. We socialize every month, and I made some long-term friendships as well. I also showed up at my local coffee shop with my laptop every day at the same time. And that is where I met my very first friend. Consider joining public affairs clubs and other social groups. Again, you're gonna meet people of all ages and backgrounds and interests. I got involved in outdoor exercise classes and parents circles. Even short-term participation helped me meet people in just that particular season. When you meet someone you vibe with. It's really lovely to just express that. Say you'd love to get to know them more. Suggest another meetup. Better yet, schedule something reoccurring like a monthly coffee, a shared class or start a walking group. It doesn't come off as a bit odd if it's somebody that you see naturally, continually. Like in a class or a coffee shop where you have a conversation. Those are just a few things that I tried, and while they work, you will have to keep at it. They're not gonna work in the first day, week, or month. You will have to keep trying again and again. And it's not so much that you need a ton of stuff to do because you end up wearing yourself out. You just need a few things that actually work I hope you try them but there's something else I wanna share with you. A few things that I know now that I wish I knew back then. Don't compare your old friendships to new ones. Because they're built on different soil. Don't believe the myth that adults have filled all their friendship slots. People are continually pruning and reshaping their circles. Fourth thing. Give yourself some grace. Everything is new. Everyone is in a different season. It takes time to find people who are right for you. Fifth, be a little vulnerable. Say you are learning to live in this new culture. You are figuring it out. You are looking for interest groups to help you acclimate and connect. Just be honest. Don't have anything to hide. Be authentic. Now the onus is on the other people to to be, to be just as authentic with you and to reach out and to meet you halfway. If they don't, then perhaps they're not your people. once we understand how American friendship culture works, we can stop blaming ourselves and start building from that point. That's it from me today. I'll see you on the next episode.