I am back with Anna and Sergey in today's episode talking about their escape from Russia. We are discussing the cost of seeking asylum in the USA. This is a journey you don't want to miss. Welcome to starting over in the USA, the Expat Woman's Guide to overcoming homesickness, embracing cultural differences, and creating a new home away from home. On this podcast, we talk about leaving behind the familiar, you know, the pangs of homesickness and culture shock to the journeys of reinventing yourself. I'm Yolanda Reshemah. And after relocating six times, I know firsthand what it's like to start from scratch, feeling like both a foreign child and a foreign adult in a new world. So my expat and immigrant friends. Here we are back with Anna and Sergei for part two. This is a couple who had to flee for their safety with just three days notice, and I wanted to bring you all the bits that I didn't include in episode 46, stay with me to the end because I have gleaned some wisdom from their journey and you are going to hear what I've gleaned, six signs that you overlooked the emotional cost of relocating under pressure. This interview was recorded about 18 months ago. Okay, let's dive in. Can I ask you. Why America? Two reasons. First of all, we, we used to live here and we knew the United States and we knew that we could find freedom here and find protection here, second reason, we could speak English, and we knew this culture, we use it, we would have opportunities here. so I want to ask as well now, the US border, when you got there they arrested you. They did. Did you expect that? We didn't expect that because, I mean, what we did was just watch some YouTube videos about the process. Some people release, some people get arrested. We used to live here. We didn't break any laws. The good, you know, with nice, nice yes, I'd say we knew that it would be, a reason for them to arreast us. Right. We are not coming to the United States as normal people are coming, yes. But at the same time, we didn't cross the border illegally, so we went to the port of entry. Then they arrested us. So they kept us about one week at the border. You know, like a small room AC is on, on 50 degrees. Yes. Without, without indoor, without beds, like 15 people in a small room. So it very, very cold. No normal food. So, and, spent about three days there. I spent about seven days there and they transferred us. They chained us and transferred us to the detention centers. They handcuffed you? Yeah, handcuffed. Like And the chain around the waist? No. Like a prisoner, yes a murderer. Yes. In that, how were you feeling, especially being people of faith, people of God, how were you? What were you thinking? What was in your heart? I think we had different feelings. For me, I was okay. It wasn't the hardest moment in my life, so I was okay and I had hope and I had peace inside of me. I don't know. I felt very Vulnerable. I felt very humiliated'cause it never, ever in my life happened to me. I never, ever in my life. Committed any crimes and now being treated as a crimer, was very humiliating. Oh, I can understand that. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I wish I, I, I could understand the thinking behind that, I wish I had some kind of explanation. And so now they let you out, I guess they interviewed you many times to justify your story. I had like five interview with three ice agents and they, they put us into detention centers for two months. They separated us. So Anna was transferred to Colorado. I stayed in San Diego Detention Center So you didn't know where she was at that point. No, Yes. No. They separated us right after we crossed the border. They took our older documents and they put me in a women's cell and he was in a male cell. So from this moment, we were separated for two months. We, we don't understand completely everything. The hardest part was, so in the detention center, you don't know when will you be released. Some people get released like in one month, some in six months. Some never been released, have just been deported back to their home countries. We don't understand how it works. They definitely do some background checks. Yes. And crime checks and everything, but still, yeah. Serge says we don't understand the processes well.'Cause some people stayed there for three months. There were many people, there were Latin people. There were turkish, some Chinese, and some even Russian people. They stayed like three months, four months, seven months. Yeah. And we were released in two months. I would add shortly that while in the detention center we were able to evangelize. Oh, you did? Yes, of course. And even. We had some Russian guys and none of them spoke English, so I started even English school and was teaching English. Whilst you were in prison? Yes. Oh my gosh. So if anything, it just stirred you, Yes. Build your faith. And it's just God's grace. He gave us strength to go through it. And some people, I remember people from Venezuela. El Salvador. Accepted jesus Christ. Yes we can't explain it. They placed us in removal proceedings. I mean, I, I'm using a legal language. So, and the only way was, uh, in in immigration court, right? We hired a lawyer and went to immigration court. Uh, we had to submit, uh, for asylum application and we won our court one months ago and now we got, uh, asylum status, official asylum status, and now we can apply for a green card after getting a green card. We will, which will, will take one, two years. I don't know exactly. In four years, we can apply for citizenship after getting green. Right? I see. We had to fight for ourselves and defend ourselves and given reasons why we're asking for asylum and why we, uh, should be I granted. It was long process. Yeah. Lots of preparation. Yeah. This time it was, it wasn't easy. When we, when I came here 10 years ago, I had an opportunity to stay in the United States. But I decided to return to my country. We never planned to. Yeah. It, as I said, again, we never planned to come to the United States and have like citizenship here. Life in Russia, you told us about the political situation. But ordinary everyday life, can you give us a taster of what the culture's like, the tone yeah, that's a great question. I have to say thats, and I, we really love our country. Russia is, just amazing country. It has a rich history, rich culture. We're from Moscow. Moscow is the capital of Russia. You know, 80% of all financials of Russia in Moscow. So Moscow is a very developed city with nice restaurants, people dress up. It's like Paris or London. Very developed. Nice theaters, clubs, I mean, everything we can imagine. Yes, I would say it's a little bit more fashion. Stylish. Then here as in San Francisco, everything is about like shorts and sneakers over there people dressed up. I'm getting the Paris vibe. Exactly, exactly. So living there was very beautiful. You go to the work you observe all the architectures we have there. We have the modern, we have a very modern public transportation, like much more modern than here in San Francisco. Beautiful parks, I mean, yeah, beautiful parks and great service and everything is great. Like life was very similar to European, probably lifestyle. Except for that, if you are a tourist and you go to the country, you will definitely notice right away that people are very reserved. They even may look rude or may, may sound rude, like, this is how Russians are. If you go to a local grocery, you may think that, oh my God, this cashier woman, she is so rude. Or if you ride public transportation. You'll see many like gloomy faces there. What, why is that? Because you, it sounds amazing. You know, we had so Soviet Union and people didn't have easy lives, so it was, it was always hard to make money in Russia and, you know, because it's cold. Also, it's like in Chicago, if we compare it to the United States, we have cold winters in Moscow. But if you go north it'll be much, much colder there. It's our background. It's our temperature. Not in Moscow. Not so many sunny days. So, you know, we, we had different periods in Russia, probably Moscow and the rest of Russia. It's, it's like different countries, you know. Oh, okay. Here in the United States you can go to different cities. And pretty much is the same, but in Russia it's different. We have, big cities like Moscow or St. Petersburg, which is a very beautiful city, but many of other Russian cities, they are poor and people don't have good salaries.$500 per month. But this price is almost the same as here. Many people come to Moscow to find a job. So Moscow is very beautiful and usually tourists visit just Moscow and Petersburg, but they don't go to other cities or towns. And life is different. So for example, in our case. As I mentioned, I worked as a pastor for many years. I also, last years I worked for Corporate World. So I had a nice job and my wife had a nice job too. We could travel like Maldives, we could travel to Europe, Singapore was a great job. Oh, you went to Singapore as well. So you did a lot of traveling. So you experienced the rest of the world. 50 countries around the world, so, oh my goodness. That's amazing. I love it. So you already come with great. Skills and experience. What were you doing? So I worked for business development, was selling some equipment and I was, a project manager, in a telecom company in Russia. So Russia had different stages in general. So in the nineties when Soviet Union collapsed, Russia was very open and people were very open. Open for like, for Christianity, even for Protestant Christianity, open for business. We didn't have many restrictions and many rules from the government. Yes, we had a high crime rate, but Russia was very open country where in early 2000, Russia started changing. And then our current current president came to power. We experienced more and more control and people became closed. I mean more reserved. And now it's like if you compare Russia right now, and Russia 15 years ago is completely two different countries. So even as Christians, we always had hostile attitude towards us. But now, now it's terrible. Now people get in prison for just one post on Instagram, I'm against the war, something like that. People put in prison 3, 6, 9 years for just one or two posts on Instagram. So it's a completely different country right now if somebody back at home or anywhere they hear your story what would you say to them? Immigration is definitely a big change. It's a huge step and you definitely need to be prepared and you need to be ready to change, you have to be ready to change. Yes. I would add you need to be prepared to pay the price because it's not easy. And you have to fight. Fight for your dreams. Fight for your life. And with God's help, everything is possible. And if you know what is right for you, right? For your family. Do it and God will help you. But be prepared. Sergei and Anna had me reflecting on the true cost of starting over in the USA, all for that matter. Anywhere in the world where expatriating or immigrating, however you want to describe that move isn't a choice, but an escape. The paperwork, the logistic, that's one thing, right? But the emotional and psychological costs, there's just no space for that in your escape plan. Here is what I've learned from their personal journey. Six indications. Six signs. You've overlooked the emotional cost of moving to the USA under pressure. First. Underestimating the emotional shock of leaving everything behind under pressure. Your mother and father the house you've just built. That's emotional trauma. There's cultural disorientation, there's fear of the unknown. Sergei mentioned in episode that he's probably not going to see his father again. I cannot begin to even imagine i'm just thankful for their faith in Christ. It is an absolute help and a foundation for them. Second sign, you assumed that legal migration will feel safe and predictable, but as they've shown us, even legal migration doesn't guarantee predictability or protection. Sergei mentioned we didn't expect that we used to live here legally before. We didn't break any laws. We were very good guests. But even legal entry resulted in arrest, separation, and uncertainty. But that's a huge psychological blow, and I feel like right now that's to be anticipated. The third sign is that you don't realize how dehumanizing detention can be. To me, it sounds like it strips away dignity and hope. Anna said, I felt very vulnerable. I felt very humiliating. I never committed any crimes and now I'm being treated as a criminal, and that's very humiliating. Humiliation, fear and confusion are major emotional consequences that we underestimate The fourth, you are not prepared for separation from the people you traveled with. Anna oh, it might have been Sergei, said, they separated us right after we crossed the border. From this moment we were separated for two months. I'm imagining a great deal of tears, panic. Too many emotions for me to even think about right now. How do you deal with that? The fifth is how not knowing your future impacts your mental health. When you are in detention, there's no clarity, there's no timeline, there's no guarantee of safety. The mental stain of uncertainty is hugely intense, very invisible to the outside world. And last sign is you underestimated the identity loss that happens when you leave your country behind under pressure. Not just the ordinary relocating choice so many of us have made. They love being in the USA. They have adapted beautifully. They love the culture. They are law abiding citizens. Keep in mind and remember. They have permission and the right to stay here. Starting over, doesn't happen without grief. The psychological cost of relocating isn't spoken about enough, and that's why I'm doing this podcast to discuss and share tips and talk about homesickness, cultural differences and all the challenges and joys, resilience and achievements that people like you, Sergey and Anna have created. Their story reminds us that resilience isn't the absence of struggle. It's the courage to find meaning in the midst of it. Now I'm sitting here with my cup of Earl Gray in my favorite teacup, and I'm toasting three cheers to you understanding the human side of relocating. I hope this episode challenges assumptions and opens your hearts. thank you for listening. Have a lovely day.