Today we are unpacking the holiday spectacle in America. The scale, the noise, the pressure to perform. If the season feels like a storm you are supposed to smile through. Let's talk about how to navigate it. With integrity. Welcome to starting over in the USA, the Expat Woman's Guide to overcoming Homesickness, embracing cultural Differences, and creating a new home away from home. Every Friday, I'll share mindset shifts and practical tools to support your journey. Join me with some incredible guests every Wednesday as we spill the secrets of what we wish we'd known, the triumphs we celebrate, and the mess ups we've learn from. Moving to the USA for many of us expat in immigrant women can feel a little bit like the holidays are being redefined in one direction or another. That's true for many of us. One minute you are toodling the wrong, getting on with life and then the season seems to arrive as a full production. We've got calendars stacked with parties. If you are super popular, you've got your work gifts exchanges, themed school weeks, neighborhood lights competitions, charity drives, and shopping events. If you are new here, this whole spectacle can feel generous but relentless. This episode isn't a takedown of the American tradition but a clear-eyed look at what expats and immigrants are actually talking about online. I am referring to the pressure to perform culture, the financial creep of mandatory fun, and that quiet grief of being outta sync if you choose to do things a little bit differently. So how about we name the overload and build a way through it that doesn't flatten your identity? Feel the first overwhelm we come across when we are dealing with the holiday celebration in the USA is the scale. There's a bigger, is better ethos that lands differently for us expat and immigrant women when you are still finding your feet, because I'm hearing expats describe walking into office lobbies with 12 foot trees and feeling their small rented apartment shrink by comparison. How about the social script that feels compulsory. Did you put up lights? Are you doing elf on the shelf? What's your secret Santa budget? Sharing a subtext, that says prove you belong with your purchases. That's a problem if you are still finding your feet, as I said, and your budget just doesn't have the bandwidth for proving you belong by how much cash you can splash. What about the overwhelm of time scarcity. For many expat and immigrants, depending on where we are with settling in on what we've accomplished, many of us actually have to work holiday shifts. We might have to work second jobs or have limited PTO pay time off and this tradition assumes that free evenings is a given. If it's not a given for you, then you might somehow end up feeling a little bit excluded. It's not unusual if you are an expat or immigrant woman to describe the scale of the US holiday traditions--- the giant lights displays, endless parties, and consumer pressure, as exhausting. The other thing I'm really thinking about is financial creep. Let's call it an invisible financial creep. It starts with a wreath on your door. Something less than$50, then before you know it, you move into the driftwood and leaves twice the size and twice the cost. And from the wreath to matching pajamas for everybody. Then there's the gift exchanges and charitable donations at the register optional items soon reads as required item. Especially, especially, especially where your community status feels at risk if you don't tow the line. I know I'm stating the absolute obvious when I say building, belonging with compliance is very brittle. It just doesn't work. but We somehow end up in a situation where. We feel we need to and succumb to it because we are human and want to belong. But belonging that is grounded in self definition, that is sustainable. We do know that. You know that. I know that. But we both succumb sometimes when we are extraordinarily lonely and want to feel like part of the group. It feels torturous. I'm not entirely sure what kind of belonging you are building, you know, but I wonder if the holiday season is designed to test the foundation of your belonging. If you don't get it right, you're gonna be hurt. Here are some tips that I want to leave with you: tip number one. Replace volume with depth. Have a smaller dinner with story sharing. See the lights and pair this with a simple potluck dish that carries family memories and invite other people over to share traditional potluck dishes. I got this from Guest Manuelita in episode 47. I encourage you to listen to her story. Tip number two. Decide your capacity, how much time, money, and social energy you want to commit to the celebration. Tip number three. Apply values not apologies. We keep our holidays simple. We prioritize rest and community over decor. We give gifts from the heart more meaningfully, more intentionally; we give our hearts to fewer people. Tip number four. Signal your public participation, but on your terms. If lights on the house aren't your thing, maybe a simple window candle is enough to say, we are part of this street and participate in the celebration without the energy drain. Last tip. Tip number five. Is protect your identity from dilution. What I've picked up online is a real fear of being seen as no fun if you decline to celebrate with others work colleagues in particular, the way that is being suggested. Protect your identity. I can do this, but I can't do that. I'll be there. Sadly, I can only spend half an hour. Now you've heard me talk about the spectacle, the pressure, and the ways we can negotiate traditions instead of being swallowed by them. But this podcast isn't just about my reflections, it's about our shared experiences of starting over in the USA. So here's my invitation. Think about this holiday season. What is one tradition you decided to opt out of and what's one tradition you redesigned to fit your life here? Maybe you skipped the Office Secret Center, but created a recipe swap with with some friends. Maybe you said no to the shopping frenzy, but yes to quiet Walks under the lights. Send me your stories. Share them with our community, because when we name the choices we've made, we remind each other that belonging doesn't come from doing everything. It comes from doing what matters. And together we can build a playbook of immigrant and expat women holiday practices that feel authentic and sustainable and deeply ours. that's all for me today. If this episode resonates with you, please share it with a friend who's on her own journey.