​What would you do if your child was sick in another country? You have No money, no plane ticket, no way to get to them. For Tim, an American, the answer was simple. Keep listening. You don't want to miss this. Welcome to the Places we call Home podcast, A guide for expat and immigrant women navigating homesickness cultural differences and the beautiful, complicated work of rebuilding life abroad. If you are carrying the emotional weight of fitting in, feeling lonely, or searching for a sense of belonging, you are in the right place. This is your community and your companion and your reminder that you'll have to figure this out alone. My guest is Tim, an American man living in Acapulco, Mexico. And his journey to get there is unlike anything that I've ever heard. This is A story about identity belonging, and what it really means to choose love over fear. And even though Tim's journey goes in the opposite direction to all of my guests who come from countries all around the world and relocate to the USA, I didn't want to say no to his story because the emotional terrain that he walked is the same terrain that so many expat women who immigrated, walked with they arrived here in the USA. So stay with us till the very end. I suspect you've never heard anything like this. I. I'm, Timothy Scott, TJ Scott when riding, but I am a US citizen. I was, raised in Virginia Beach, Virginia. Ex-military, served during the September 11th attacks. And, I believed in the American dream and what we have to offer people. What was life like growing up in the USA for you? Well, life was not a life of luxury my, real father was a pedophile, and my stepfather was an alcoholic. So those combined did not give me many opportunities at life, learning about how to live and how life should be. I needed something different for myself, for my mother, trying to help her every way I could I've been working since about age of 10. Right. And, but, so I happened to join the military, got myself out of, out of Virginia went to Oklahoma, to be in the Army and, was there until I got out in 2002. Was that about escaping your situation? Absolutely. I always wanted to own or run a business. I've never been outside of Virginia except for a minor time that we moved to Ohio, where I was born at. My real father was Navy. So if that tells you anything, my brother was born San Diego. I was born in Ohio, and my sister was Rhode Island. So, you know, and here I am in Virginia. But, other than that I wasn't outside Virginia. I wanted to know more about what the Midwest was like, also I felt. The money might help my mother to pay for rent and things of that nature with her. Let's talk about where you are now. Let's talk about the decisions that you made. Let's talk about the situations that occurred in your life after you left the army that has led you to the life that you are actually living now. Take us through meeting your wife. How did that come about and what's the role that she played in transforming the life that you lived? I would've never been an expat. If it wasn't for her. So she is the reason for a lot of my life changes and, and what has taken place over the years. In high school, my focus was what was in front of me. I got outta the military. I lived in Texas for a couple years, then moved back to Virginia to help my mom. My wife is from Mexico. I am currently in Acapulco, Mexico. We just had our 19 year anniversary. This past January. Congratulations. That's marvelous. How did you meet your wife? Well, when I got outta the military, I came back to Virginia, as I said, and I happened to be, working a job in a movie theater. I was also going to school for a degree in automotive, I worked there during the day. My wife was a cleaning crew that came at night and we'd see each other in passing, but never talk to each other. She spoke Spanish. I spoke English, so we would see each other, but that was about it, you know. When we would pass, the only conversation we would say is, how are you and I am fine, would be her response. And that was it. That's all we could talk. She'd show up massively early. We'd have last shows at 12 o'clock but she'd be there at like nine o'clock at night, like three hours before we would even need them there. I never knew her story, never was able to talk to her or anything. One time I just happened to mention something that to Mexicans, I didn't realize this. They take offense to it, to us. It's just normal conversation. I looked at her, I'm like, man, you crazy. You're loco. Why are you here so early? I just kept walking. She took offense to that. And, I didn't know. So she went home, took a couple weeks to start learning some English so she could cuss me out. So she was the woman on a mission. She started learning English? Mm-hmm. Just so she can come back to work and tell you about yourself? Yeah. And tell me why, why are you calling me crazy? You don't know me when she came to finally talk to me, she could only remember how to say, what is your name? Oh, okay. That was it. But something was there and I wanted to know more about her. The next day I picked up a Spanish English dictionary. And so we took about two hours to figure out three or four things about each other. Just our names, age, relationship status and whether we had kids that was pretty much it for our first conversation. I'm, I'm, I'm so excited. What, what did this lead you to? What happened? Well, our, our very first date, she had a friend of a friend come along and translate never met this person before that night he could come along and translate for us. So, you were trusting a complete. Stranger. Stranger, He conveyed the right message on your behalf and on her behalf, okay? Mm-hmm. Yeah. He threw in a few extra words but it sealed the deal for us. I was, working, doing what I could. She was doing what she could. She had two kids from a previous relation, in, in Mexico, and those kids were staying with her, her mom there. That's why she was in America. To, earn money to, support for her kids. And, and lo and behold, this relationship took place and my wife did become, pregnant with our first child. And, about seven months pregnancy. Her mom found out about the pregnancy. Now we were working on trying to either get her kids here or try to figure out what we could do. We had doctors ready for this baby. All that stuff was going on. And, once her mom found out, her mom was very, very dissatisfied. The thing is, is that, so her mother gave her an ultimatum. You're gonna have to figure out what you're gonna do with your children.'cause I'm no longer gonna watch them. So, oh, okay. That point in time we had to put her on the next bus back. Those kids had to come first. If it was any later I would've said, no, you're gonna have to stay I would've put the baby's life in danger, taking a bus trip back. She got back, to Mexico and was there for 17 years um, without me, I would be in and out of Mexico, she never came. My kids have never been to America. My daughter was born in, in Acapulco, Mexico, you know. So she never was able to return to America or anything. I would visit them sometimes long, sometimes short. The very first time I came to Mexico, I actually was illegal in their country. I was working all the time, in America, paying bills in America, taking care of rent, my mom. My family in Mexico, never having enough money. I happened to be working for BMW during 2008, during the recession time. And so during that time I had actually gotten laid off from that job. My daughter was severely sick. Our language wasn't great. I had to call a friend in Texas that I knew, was Mexican and could call into Mexico and speak to my wife. What she was trying to tell me was appendix. It can be severe. If it burst, that can be life altering. And we're talking a year old child. This was shortly before me being laid off. They treated, my daughter, because she came in sick. But that treatment made her even sicker. She was allergic to penicillin. Once they figured all that out, it got better, and she's doing okay from that. At the time, it was life or death not knowing what was going on. I don't speak the language fully, just lost my job. My daughter Could have died. What do I do? I had a decision to make, no money for a plane ticket, bus ticket, nothing. I did the one thing I knew was free and I could handle because I am ex-military. I decided to walk across America to see her for the first time. You walk from Virginia, to Mexico. You walk from Virginia to to Mexico. Yes. Uh, I know you've told me this before, but every time I hear it, Tim, I'm still astounded and I I play movies in my head, so I'm trying to imagine what is that route that you took? What, what, what was going through your, your head as you you were walking? Can you remember? Yes, so that's where a lot of issues fell into place. Google Maps wasn't what it was gPS wasn't what it is today, it was, still a luxury at the time having GPS on your phone, it was expensive no money. I printed out MapQuest. MapQuest was the big thing during the time. And so I pre-printed out a kind of a, planned out route of where I was gonna go and how I was gonna walk to Mexico. Initially my plan was to walk through Mexico. I didn't realize, like, I was very naive. I didn't realize the dangers of how much Mexico is. So I planned out a route and, and started getting my way through. I wasn't gonna hitchhike or anything. I just had a destination. My daughter needs me. I need to be there. Did you have landmarks? Because I've done some road trips. What I remember between states from one state to another big long stretches open roads with nothing, no houses for miles desert-like conditions just hot sun beaten down on you all the time. Is that what it was like for you? Absolutely. I wasn't able to stay in hotels. I stayed on the side of the road. I had my military duffel bag I carried that with me, throughout the trip. That weighed down very heavily on my shoulders. But, that is what I carried with me as I went across the states. Landmarks and stuff. I didn't have to really go through. I've walked the majority of my life, from a very young age because again, no money, you don't have a car, you, you get where you go by walking, plus living on the ocean front. The majority of my life, I was always walking around all the points of my life led me up to this point. I understood the route it would take, that I would take highways. A along the way, later on I would learn that, you know, you're not legally allowed to walk on interstates. Yeah, it has to be highways. I didn't realize it either until state troopers told me, you're not allowed to be walking on here. This is what you have to do. Okay. like I said, naive, just trying to move along..Because it was a military duffel bag, I had people that did want to help me move me along down the road a little bit faster. Cops do that get me out of their county. Would drive me to the county line and be like, okay, go ahead, continue on. It's a blessing. It would help me get down the road faster, so I didn't mind, my intention was not to stay there some people like to help, but their help threw me off. I had a map of, where I'm going. This is how I'm doing things. But then they're like, I know this path. This is better. You should go here. I don't have GPS so, it's not something I can just pick up and do. Yeah. So, you know, when I would get dropped off maybe I had a little bit of money maybe$20 here or something. At that time, inside the gas station they still had maps for sale, I would pick up a map and say, okay, I'm here. This is the road I need to take to get to the next station as long as I knew the highway number I was okay. I knew the direction to walk. How many miles are we talking here, Tim? From Virginia Beach to Texas, it was about. 2000 miles, I think roughly. 2000 miles.And the motivation is obviously your family to be there with your daughter? Absolutely. See my daughter for the very first time. How long did that take you? The very first trip took two weeks with help of people the second trip took four months and the last trip took two months. And each of those three traits were to see your wife and kids. Each time was the result to, to see my children, my wife, my kids. The second trip I carried a rickshaw cart, I had a full body harness. One of those dollies like Coca-Cola? Pulling their stuff I had that with a cargo box I pulled that from Virginia to California. Is that because you were carrying gifts? That was more about shelter on the side of the road. It was more about carrying water supplies, clothing supplies, things of that nature that could..Keep me going on that trip. It was about raising, attention for families and the plight of families being separated the issues throughout life. Especially the importance of families. When you miss those moments, you can never get those moments back. Mm-hmm. You know, I missed my daughter's first words, steps, birthday. I missed all of that. And that's something that I'll never be able to get back. Let's jump ahead to arriving in Mexico. Do you understand how incredible. This is the kind of human being you must be to do something so incredible and driven by love. Yeah. Or when you do it, it can be love or madness. Which one ever you decide to choose? In this case, it's mad love, big, mad, crazy intense, authentic, real. Beautiful. Love. Beautiful. I cannot think of any woman that I know who wouldn't want a man to walk across the country to find her and their kid to help them to look after them. Let's jump ahead to you arriving in Mexico. My wife is in Acapulco, about 3000 miles into Mexico. West coast, where Mexico starts to bend. So it's all the way down there. The thing is, is that my intention was just to see them. I was gonna walk through Mexico, but I lived in Amarillo, Texas couple of years after the military, and I had stayed with a friend while getting to, the border. I watched a news channel that had put up a display saying that the government has put a warning out of traveling through Mexico, extremely dangerous, and that they recommend that no one should be traveling. Acapulco was one of the worst cities in the world, for, murder cartels and everything. And that's where I'm headed so I'm like, great, now what I do, I'm looking to walk through the country. I barely speak the language. Yeah. How am I supposed to be doing this? You know? And you, you, you didn't think about any of this beforehand No. At all. I just had a destination. My kids needed me, and that's where I needed to be. When this took place, I did finally get to a border. I did look up tickets and stuff for bus tickets. I figured if I can walk, maybe earn enough money to buy a bus ticket. I had to go to El Paso, Texas to pick up a bus ticket to Acapulco so that's what I did, is I was able to eventually get myself down to El Paso, pick up that bus ticket and get myself there. So it took a couple days to get there, but I was able to finally be there. This was the very first trip I had ever taken to Mexico. What did that look like? What did it sound like? How did that feel to you? A man who's always been in Virginia. I had no clue what I was doing. Found out that, uh, they tried to tell me something. I didn't speak Spanish, so I didn't know what they were saying. You know, maybe they Maybe they were telling me about the visa they were pointing to a building or something I got back on the bus that was gonna carry me to Acapulco that's what I did. Come find out later on, Hey, I'm supposed to have a tourist visa. I'm supposed to have this piece of paper that says I'm legally allowed to be here. I didn't have that. We had to get that fixed in Acapulco. Cost a little money, it's a lot noisier, a lot of people honking horns making all the ruckus, in America, where I'm from, people are more patient, prone to sit in traffic. They're not blasting their horn, come on, move. Even though the traffic hasn't moved for an hour, in Acapulco, Mexico, everybody's blasting their horns. Even if it's just for a few seconds, people are trying to push and rush each other. During that time even though it was 2009 payphones, were cell phones and you saw the payphones disappearing in America, you still had payphones all up, up and down the streets here in, in Mexico. They still use hand typewriters in doctor's offices to type up reports. It's more of a relaxed environment. You go with the flow if they lift their heads up, it can get them into trouble with the cartels so people focus in on their lives, they live in open homes, so the home is open to the environment almost no buildings, no cars, have acs. Everything is just open. When you say open, are you saying no doors, no windows, something like that? Like how we have drywall here, everything is concrete. Fenced with, barbed wire. When you're thinking of a prison, you walk down the street, looking at these homes. Everything is gray in color. There is some colored homes. You know, you'll see yellow and pinks, and blues here and there, but a lot of the homes, a lot of it is drab and gray. The beaches they're beautiful. Mm-hmm. Don't get me wrong. It, it is a beautiful area. If you stay on the ocean front, the tourist destination. Where I live, it's not that nice neighborhood type of lifestyle. You know, it's in the real part of, of what Acapulco is. And so, um, even, even Hispanics that live here are like, oh, you live in the. The dangerous part well, my family's here, where else am I gonna be? Mm. You know? Um, so. Tim, what is the life you've built there you are with your family. You've traveled across America three times to be with them. How are you settled there? Coming in April, it will be two years. It doesn't seem that long but time has moved. On. And what does life look like for you and the family now? Is it home now for you? It's stability. I wake up beside my wife every day. It's no longer that lonely bed. Not everything is perfect, but what family or home ever is. We do with what we have. I am fortunate and blessed. My wife gave birth to our baby in October, so this is new to me. From the seven months of my wife being pregnant all the way up till a year and four months, that whole time, every lesson I'm taking in is new. This leads me quite nicely into a section of the show I like to call, who am I now? where we explore How moving countries just reshape our character. When you look back at who you were before you moved to Mexico and who you are today, what feels the most different about you? Being a new father for the first time, it's one of those things that's, it's the, the life experiences that you wake up to two baby's needs, you know? And, and, and the enjoyment of watching a smile knowing the baby is healthy, I think those things are the most important. things. I am blessed to have the light that I have. Mm-hmm. Nothing's ever perfect, but I am blessed. despite the challenges. You, you find the positives, I think that's beautiful. So identity is one part of the journey when we move to a new country because I, well, I speak to so many other expat women and including myself in this, uh, observation. And for us, community is such a big deal. It's necessary for us to find our tribe, to find our people, people who see us and understand us. What about community and your sense of belonging? How does that work for you there in Mexico? Fortunately, I rely on my wife heavily. She is my support, my rock. My translator I speak better Spanish, but I'm not fluent so if we need to go somewhere, I need to do something. She, she helps, still helps me discover the area. She's always lived here, and it would be the opposite if being in, in America and she was there, I've always lived there, I'd be able to show her where to go. This is what you need to do. I've been very blessed with that you know, I show up every day. Try to do what I can and do the best, it. It, it's one of those things where, there's so many things, uh, just simple things for like being here. The listening for like the cow bells.'cause they have trash trucks that come through every once in a while. But they, uh, they ring a cow bell to pick up the trash. So you have to be able to listen for that, to take the trash out Have you ever felt, this is too much for me? I have thought about steps to make things better? Right. Yes, it is a lot the, the overwhelming of language, being able to walk into the room and listen to people but not fully understand everything. Those little differences can make or break what you're doing, the language barrier is one of the hardest things that can be overcome sometimes. It takes time, it takes time, but, it, it's one of those things where you need to go down this hallway or street, and here in America, you'll feel safe. You can feel safe to talk to the police there and ask for directions even with the police, so it's a huge difference to what the American side is and what the Mexico side is. It can be overwhelming you have to pace yourself. Plan out your day better. It's gonna take longer, to get where you need to go or to do certain things and just kind of have to have patience with it a little bit. Hmm. I've been thinking about expat women landing with her suitcase and passport? in other countries, maybe even in Mexico, maybe here in the USA, anywhere around the world. What I like to do is take from your wisdom, your experience, and give a gift to this woman what would you want her to know about herself, about belonging, about what's possible for her, given your experience absolutely. Don't be afraid to be afraid. It's okay to feel overwhelmed. It's all new. Take one day at a time. We want everything. Right now. I'm not gonna get'em for maybe a year that's life. Take it one day at a time. The language. Takes time. Use Google Translate. Looking up phonetic spellings will help accent, and people might not understand you, but if you get your language and wording right, you can do that through Google Translate chat GPT and all these things, you can actually sound it out properly. When you go in, you cannot just translate the word, but pronounce it correctly where a person will understand you. You're asking for directions to the bathroom, not the kitchen, certain letters will help you know, find your people in, in America, fortunately, there's so many groups out there. Look on Facebook, find local communities. There are a lot of support groups in America. In, Mexico, it's not as easy. How are you making connections? How are you feeding your spirit? I am a veteran, so I'm trying to work with the va. They have a program that allows me to live here, but be attached with them. I'm working on those things as well. Oh, good. I, I'm doing these things that will hopefully propel me further forward faster. The VA. The veterans doesn't like to move as fast as you would like them to move. Of course. Cool. Yes. But, you know, so I, I am doing what I can. Because of the language barrier in Acapulco, there's not a lot of English speaking people. If you go down towards the ocean front, you'll find more. But it's still not as often. Right now, Cancun a lot different. You have, that's a very big tourist destination for Americans. But for now, where I live, I have to adapt. That's what I'm trying to do. For me I reach out through my wife and, and her, her family, her family's kind of close by. So we will go do things from time to time, involved in a church, situation. We'll be, christening, my daughter soon, in the church there's things to do, but you can't sit on your hands and hope it comes to you. People aren't gonna look for you. You have to seek it. If you're gonna learn about the area, there are Google maps and stuff, but, people here are relatively nice. I can say that much. But you know, that's your take anywhere you go, people have bad days everywhere, just find people and, things you enjoy, whether it's swimming or running those groups can help you adjust to life in your community. What are you missing most about being out of the us, if anything? Well, I'll tell you, I'm missing the Food of America, there are certain things like, you know, I, do make food from time to time. I do have homesickness. I'll make meatloaf because that's not a thing here. In, Mexico. My mom, had a certain recipe, not this normal dry brick meat loaf that you have, hers had a lot of moisture to it and stuff. Certain small things like, I, Dr. Pepper is not a favorite drink of mine, but you don't find it here often. When you do, I take a sip takes me back to, America. Small things lift my spirits and keep me moving forward. Is it your ambition, to bring the family to the USA or move somewhere else in Mexico? So it's been 19 years my kids are practically grown. They have their lives here in Mexico. I would love to travel with them to America, show them where I grew up. Maybe, rent a vehicle, drive them across the country show them the areas that I walked in to come see you guys so that they could see the physicalities of, of what it took just to be even just a month or two visit would be nice. There, there's talks about what we might do. Life is ever evolving, ever changing. A store that you used to go to when you were a kid has probably changed, or moved, it's things I never understood as a kid growing up. You know, you, you always assume that's gonna always be there. that was my favorite store, That was my favorite museum. That was my, you know, and then they move. you think it's always gonna be there. Now, what's one thing you might have some regret about or you wish you'd done that you hadn't, if anything? I wished I had done this sooner, but now I can build something new, you know? To wake her up every day and to be able to feed her breakfast. You know, those, those simple little things that sometimes we take advantage and not realize how significant that can be. That's, that's beautiful. Perfect note to end on as well. It's been a pleasure and an honor. And I'm grateful that you came back. You have a book, so where can we find a copy of your book? The title of the book is called Stumbling in the Dark, looking for the Light Switch. Ah. And it's written by under TJ Scott. They can find it through Amazon. It is, uh, an exclusive on Kindle Unlimited as well. So if they have the unlimited package for Kindle, they can pick it up through there for free. Um, but it is, uh, on, uh, Amazon. I love it.. I feel Tim's story is going to stay with me for such a long time, not just because he walked 2000 miles or the drama of that. I think he's taken me back to that truth. Courage is not in the absence of fear. Courage isn't a personality trait and it's certainly not a slogan. It's what you do even when it feels like fear is sitting down right beside you, it's making one small decision after another. In the direction of the life that you want to live. And so for you that might not be crossing borders like he did, it might be asking for help because you are lonely and struggling with this culture, and the whole process of acculturation. It might be having to show up at your workplace every single day with your thick, foreign, accent, and your colleagues just don't fully understand you. Maybe you are being overlooked. Maybe that's it. But Tim said something that I think is worth holding onto. He said, don't be afraid to be afraid. You are allowed to feel overwhelmed. You are allowed not to have it all figured out. Starting a life in a new country and a new culture, finding that different version of yourself, that's so big. Uh, I think I'm realizing now that the goal isn't to be fearless. The goal is to keep moving one step at a time. And that's what so many of us have done, right? That's why we are here and we are able to share our journey who we are now and our obstacles of what we've overcome. Yeah, that's it for me today. If this is the first episode you've heard, I'm inviting you to go back to episode number one and work your way up get to know these incredible people and be inspired. Share the love and share the link. That's it from me today. Have a lovely day. Bye-bye.