#59. Relocating Abroad? Here's What You Reallly Need To Know About Resilience, Belonging, and Finding Home Abroad

In this episode, you are going to hear two things that shape how a person becomes who they are after migrating. Keep listening. Welcome to the Places we call Home podcast, A guide for expat and immigrant women navigating homesickness and cultural differences and the beautiful, complicated work of rebuilding life abroad. If you are carrying the emotional weight of fitting in, feeling lonely, or searching for a sense of belonging, you are in the right place. This is your community and your companion. And your reminder that you'll have to figure this out alone. My guest, we are going to call him Gourmet. Left Eritrea as a teenager with no guarantee that he'd even survived the journey out. He arrived here in the United States with no family, no safety net, and no way to ever go back home.He taught himself English, educated himself through books and online courses, became what I jokingly refer to as the Crypto King, and used that success to invest in housing. He's built stability, not just for himself. But for others. As you listen expat women, pay attention to two things. First, The weight he carries from not being able to return home. second, the pride he's earned from building life from scratch, one decision at a time, and a place where nothing was handed to him. And so his story is a reminder that identity isn't fixed, it's shaped by what we survive and what we choose to build. Let's get into it. My name is Germa I am from the country name is Erra, E-R-I-T-R-E-A. Erra. Tell me what caused you to move to the USA? Well, this is a long story actually. Yes. We do have a political situation in my home country. So, I flee from my homeland and uh, then I start the journey to immigrate. I ended up settling and living in the United States more than 18 years now. So the political situation in Eritrea. Caused you to flee the country. Yes. So I flee to the neighbor country, which is Sudan, to crossing the very, very, very challenged border. So the government in my home country, if they ask you to stop and you didn't stop, they can shoot you. Shoot and kill policy. Right. So then you moved to the US through asylum? Yes, that was 18 years. Yes, 18 years ago. And you're an American citizen, okay. Yeah. So tell me about that decision to move to America. Why America? What was going on in your mind? Well, in my mind, that's one of the country that I was dreaming. While I was young. I was watching so many American movies. So when I left my country, I was, still in Africa. And it's not really, any opportunity to stay and, and live there. Yeah. So, so soon as I'm already left my home country, I was, I was. My dream was just to live in a country that will be more politically, stable and there's an opportunity. So that was in my mind, is, us. So I was dreaming when I was young. If I flee from my home country, this is what I wanna live too. So somehow some way this has become true. Right. Okay. And when you arrived, I have so many questions. When you arrived here in the USA was it as you expected? Not in the beginning, tell me, tell me about that. What, what do you mean? Well, in my picture, the United States, is, a country that, you know a lot of people have their own houses. But when I come to the US I was walking around downtown and I see so many homeless all over the street. And so I was, I thought everybody had their own houses. They just, they are very stable. But, it was shocked me to be honest. Right. Then, I start getting to know the country, I start learning English. Then I, notice, maybe for some people it's a choice. Maybe some people, they're not taking the right decision in their life. as you living longer, you, I kind of understand that, what we do on daily basis. It it could make us either fail or succeed in life. I want to come back to understand what decisions you made in life, because I know it has changed drastically for you. You came with ambitions and skills and talents, but I want to go back and ask you something that's happened away at my brain. When you were given asylum. You are now a citizen. Was there anyone here to receive you on the ground? Did you know anyone in the country? I do know, one person a friend of mine. I used to know him like 23, 22 years ago, back in Sudan and then I become a friend with this gentleman. A friend of mine, and that's the only person I know in the state. I've been in touch with him. I just asked him which state he's living in. I should come here and, stay for one month with a friend of mine and, this is the only person I know live in the state. Right. Okay. We'll come back to that person in a moment. So, where do you start? As somebody who's just been given asylum in America, how did you start building your life? Because as you said, a moment ago. You arrived, you walked around downtown and there's lots of homeless people. That must have been really frightening. How did you feel? Were you worried that you made the wrong decision? Were you worried that you could end up like those people on the street? It was a mix. It was a mixed signal, you know, and, I just, I just see life is, whatever it takes you. But, at the same time, I was humble and ambition, so I was just, I was always positive person, so I was shocked at the same time, but I was trying to get to know why, why it's like that, I believe I take the right decision, and then I was always positive, so I wasn't down because of other people. Other people's hardship didn't diminish your ambition. Exactly. How did you start building a life? As somebody new in the country, what were your priorities? What did you do first? Was it finding a job? Was it learning the language? Was it both? The first, priority is just to find a job and, then, and then going to learning English was one of the challenge. So I was doing both. A friend of mine's they, they own a restaurant so that's my first job. I, I just, started, you know, wash dishes and I was getting some cash money and then I gotta go school learning English. So I was doing that in the morning, go to English class, and then in the afternoon helping the family, running the restaurant, you know? Yeah. That was my first job in the us. Were you concerned about feeling homesick? Did you go through these experiences of feeling lonely or missing the food of home, that sort of stuff? Yes, definitely. I was very young, soon as I flew from my home country and, I was 18, 19 and I've been through so many in my home country too, i'm happy I'm no longer to tell me someone what to do, but at the same time, I'm always missing my parents, my family. And so it's a challenge. You know, it's a challenge, so. How do you deal with that challenge? Because it's psychological, right? You can't pack for it. It's not about your immigration status. It's a human factor and it's going to affect you regardless of however you came to the us, right? Definitely, yeah. As we immigrant a lot of people that they don't know, we've been through a lot, you know, I grow up with very rough, you know, not too many opportunities. So, you know, I'm, I would say on, or most of immigrant, I would say we are very resilient, you know. We go through some bump, but we always bounce and, and get up and just deal with it and move on. The only thing I know is everything will pass so I just ignored it temporary and then just deal with it and, you move on. So that's my mind know how to just not, break down and you just deal with it get the solution and then move on. So I know how to go through challenges, you know, up and down in life. So I was capable to tackle the challenge what I'm going through on daily basis to be right. Okay. Let's talk about your culture, because I expect that is really important to you, right? Your Eritrean culture, but you live in the us. How do you keep hold of that culture? Is it through food or music? What do you do? Well, we have very strong culture where I come from but unfortunately what I am living here, there is not too many people from my home country that I could participate with the culture I do go and I enjoy the culture that I grow up with and, I really enjoyed and, but unfortunately what I live here is, is not too many people where I come from, so. I would say now I have to adapt both, which is I have to be integrated in the state because otherwise it will be more challenging for me. So there is no, there is no back off. So I rather embrace the culture here, plus enjoy at the same time. If I get an opportunity, just go out somewhere and this is how I'm dealing now. I'm intrigued to know how you've integrated. What did you do? If you can remember? I know it can be a little bit of a strange question. I really do appreciate that. I start playing soccer. There was a pickup soccer, so trying to play soccer with the people who was just playing pickup games. So I become a friend of them. So we go out, hang out together and go hiking I do, running like five times a week, sometimes three times. It depend so start doing workout with the people that from here, from this community. So, and also I do, I do volunteer Sundays market in summer, and so I become a friend of too many people that live in the community. That's how I become integrated, you know? Oh, that's so beautiful. That is perfect. I love it. I love it. And to help you with the English language, what did you do? You said you go, you went to school. Was this like ESLI went to school as ESL, and then I start going to, learning English. Some of online, I start picking up online courses and online, some, course that gives to improve your English, your pronounce it, your spell. Talking with my friends. And that's how I become learning English. I love it. I'm chuckling, I'm laughing because I don't know. I just find it, for me it's extraordinary and I see your determination and. It's just this thing in my mind that says to me, there was no other option. There is no failure, there is no making it work. Ending up on the street. Homeless, jobless, was not an option. People end up there for so many different reasons, right? Yep. Not always because they've done something wrong. People lose their homes. So many different reasons. But I admire this thing. I don't know what to call it that I'm getting from you that just says, Hey, I'm just doing it. I'm just, I'm gonna integrate. That's just how it works. That's it. That's the only way I can deal with it. And I made it so I always challenged myself not to fail, which is being ambition, gratitude. And life is the way you make it. Life is sweet. You are successful. You are a businessman. You had a plan. You put it into action. Do you feel like you belong in America? Ah. At some point? Not at some point, yes. So it's a mix of single because, time is consistent. Change It's a mixed signal. Yes. Right. Okay. But does it feel like home A little bit, yes. It does feel home a little bit, but not up to what it's supposed to be. Right it could be better. Yes. For now, right now it is home. Right? Right now it's my home. I take it as a home, some individual didn't consider. But I take it, as my home at the moment. What are the things that you love about living here other than the opportunities? People are very nice. I'll say majority, they're welcoming to an immigrant, you know, and, the weather is very, very grateful. This is the weather I wish to live because it's a similar what I come from I know a lot of people think that Africa is hot and warm, but. It's not all true. Yes, it is warm, but where I come from is typically there's the same weather pretty much as here as, as ca as as the Bay? Yes. Oh, so you have it cold as well? Yeah, we got a little chilly in the winter, but I live up in the mountain about 250 above the sea level, so the weather itself pretty much similar and, so I'm grateful that I ended up here. Mm-hmm. Okay. What lessons have you learned in life that you wish you knew back then? Many things, actually. Many things. I wish I would get the opportunity to go higher education, but unfortunately, the environment where I grow up they didn't allow this. And also there is no a school education opportunity'cause the government don't leave the young generation to go school, to get educated, get to know all this technology there is no opportunity. I wish I knew when I was back home so I can leverage. It would be much easier life once you get educated and also I knew that when life gives you something, you know, to be more appreciated and grateful. So you will get even more better and be positive ambition in life. So I wish I knew as soon as I was young, but I didn't get that opportunity. So all I could say is I'm grateful what I have now. What would you say to people looking to move to the US right now? What one advice would you give them? I would give an advice that, the best way to live is your own, your own country. So you don't feel you are neglect, you don't feel, you not belong to the certain individuals race or colors. Your home country is the country that you wanna live, and I would advise that. But if there is no other way that you could live in your home country, then just come with a positive mind. Never been triggered by what other people can define you, the only thing you can define yourself is you. So don't get down by what people define you. Don't get all this negative energy get into you. So stay humble, be positive. Just do your thing, move on. You will be just fine. Living in America requires a particular mindset. Definitely, yes. And that mindset is just to be focused and have a vision. Do whatever you need to do within reason, legally. To earn money and to make your way. Has education played a part in creating the life that you have now since you moved to the us? To be honest, I didn't go school here in the us but one thing I know is I'm. I'm self-learning, you know, I learned on my own. And also of course, so many challenge that's itself is a big, big, big, that's a big, opportunity to take advantage of what life can be. So I reading so many books and the, the opportunity that provide here, if you willing to learn, you could learn on your own pretty much if you are willing to improve. So I'm doing most of the time by my own and self-educated and. Also doing my own, self-improvement. That's how I am. But if it would be going to school that's a plus. So you are redefining who you are? If you could wave a wand, and change the way people think about immigrants, expats, the foreigners who live here, what would you want their mindset to be? As an immigrant, we know life is very challenging, but if you are giving up in life, then your life will be even worse. So one thing I'll know is you should never give up. You gotta do what you're supposed to do and I would say use your time wisely, and also focus on your own and get educated and get learning and reading some good books so we'll help you expedite your life to become better. Hmm. That's beautiful. Can you believe it's already been more than an hour since we've been talking? Wow. Yes. Did you enjoy our chat? Yes. It was. Really grateful and I'm glad I joined. I know there's a great deal more we can talk about, but because of the situation and you have family back at home, we need to keep identities, intact. Definitely. Yes. Is there something else in your heart people should know? People should know that coming to the state is not an easy life. So just be prepared and be strong. Then you'll do better it's not what we sometimes expect life is. There is a challenge, but you should never give up. Work on yourself. And you'll do just fine. Amen to that. Thank you so much, for sharing your story. I am delighted to have met you now. Thank you. Me too. Thank you so much for having me, and I really appreciate the opportunity. Oh, it's been a pleasure. I know you've got some work things that you've gotta run back home to do, so enjoy the rest of your day. There are two things that I am going to remember from this conversation with Gourmet. The first is that you can rebuild yourself with whatever you have..He didn't have access to higher education or a long list of opportunities. He used what was in front of him. He used his ESL classes. He used online courses, books, conversations. And I think simply just being curious. He took just those things to build for himself a life piece by piece..You don't need perfect conditions to grow. You need self-belief. Determination, resilience, and a lot of courage..The second thing I feel I'm going to remember is you can carry a certain amount of grief and still create a life that you are very, very proud of. For him not being able to return home, that's got to be a wound and it's always there and it never fully closes. But I, I, I see you can hold that pain and still build something solid and generous. And meaningful. You don't have to erase where you've come from to become who you are. Now, you can carry both the loss and the growth, and you can still move forward. As always, I love hanging out with you and I'm encouraging you to pop over to episode one two and work your way through and get to know the souls and spirits of all of these guests. Find the wisdom in their stories that will help you build the life that you are dreaming of. And If you know somebody else who needs that wisdom, I'm encouraging you to share the link. That's it for me. Have a lovely day. Bye-bye.